Posts Tagged ‘criticism’

Is Your Liver Feeling Unappreciated?

Friday, November 7th, 2014

In the title of this post, I ask if your liver is feeling unappreciated. But that’s not exactly what I meant. The real question I want to ask you is, do any of your organs and body parts that are affected by your illness feel unappreciated? But there wasn’t enough room in the title to ask that, so I asked about your liver instead.

You probably haven’t been asked whether those organs and body parts feel unappreciated, and you’re probably wondering why I would ask you if yours do.

Here’s my answer: Imagine that, in a very difficult environment, you work hard for someone, striving to do the best job you can accomplishing a task that is very important to them. Then imagine that when you finish, instead of thanking you and expressing appreciation, the person you’ve been working for finds and criticizes you for all the imperfections, no matter how small, in the work you’ve done.

The fact that those imperfections are because you didn’t have the tools you needed and because of the tough work environment are completely ignored, and the criticism is harsh, and it stings.

If you had an experience like that, you would feel awful. And if you had to do the job again in the future, you probably would not have any motivation to do it well. So you would do it halfheartedly at best.

Getting back to your organs and body parts, they are made up of cells, which are living organisms. And all organisms, including you, animals, plants, and your body’s cells, respond similarly to the way you and I do to positive emotions like love and communications of appreciation, and they also respond similarly to negative emotions like anger and communications of criticism.

So to keep your afflicted organs working their best, even though they’re not working as well as you wish they were, let them know you appreciate them and let them know that you know they are doing the best job they can even though they have been afflicted and affected by illness.

If you would like to learn specific ways to do that, as well as some other helpful things you can do for them and for yourself, I invite you to sign up for my free report:

Learn How to Maximize Your Body’s Healing Ability When You Have a Chronic Illness.

An Exercise to Help You Withstand Harassment

Sunday, August 31st, 2014

What I’m going to tell you in this post may not seem like it can help you live better with a chronic illness. But as I will explain shortly, it can. And between now and when I tell you how, my intention is to entertain you with a story.

Here it is: I’ve been by myself for almost a year. I’ve been looking for a woman to spend the rest of my life with, but so far haven’t found her. Maybe it’s because I and the women I go out with are more picky than we were when we were younger. Whatever the reason, this search is taking longer than I hoped it would.

To increase my chances of finding the love of my life, I signed up for a six-week online dating course. I am enjoying it and am learning a lot.

The man who developed the course had previously co-led a workshop to teach men many of the same things I am learning, and he told us about the following exercise from it: a man who was afraid of women for any reason would be brought to the front of the auditorium where the workshop was being held. Then 30 women would be brought in, and they would be told to scream the most hurtful insults they could think of at him for three minutes.

What would always happen, and it would usually take about 30 seconds, is that the man would start laughing, because he would realize that the women couldn’t hurt him. He would see that there was no substance to the fear he was holding on to: the worst that could happen was that 30 women would keep screaming and telling him what a piece of shit he was. But he realized that he was still standing there and was fine.

This exercise sounds like an excellent one to help men who are afraid of women. But I told you at the beginning of this post that what I was going to write about could also help you live better if you have a chronic illness.

Here’s how: when you have a chronic illness, you (probably) don’t have a bunch of women screaming insults at you. But if you’re like almost everyone else, you have a bunch of voices inside your head that are criticizing you,and very likely calling you names.

And just like the man standing at the front of the auditorium listening to those insults and voices realized that the insults didn’t change who he was, you have the opportunity to realize that the critical voices inside your head don’t change who you are. You’re the same person you’ve always been.

If you want to take this a step farther, you can tell the voices to go ahead and insult you. And they will! But when they do, you will realize and know that the worst that can happen is that they will tell you what a piece of shit you are (or whatever words they use). But them doing that no longer needs to hurt you or upset you!

I have been writing for many years about how the voices inside our head very often make our illness worse, often a lot worse, than it already is. And you now have a way to stop your voices from doing that.

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To learn about other effective ways to heal your pain, I invite you to sign up for my free E-Course: Learn How to Raise Your Energy – and Your Spirit – in Just 21 Days.

Beatings will continue until morale improves

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

It’s been about three weeks since my last post. I wrote about one of the main reasons why it’s been so long in a post I wrote for another blog, which I titled A Love Story.

I was a software engineer and manager for over 25 years before I became a life coach for people with chronic illnesses. One of the ways we kept our sanity while working under tight deadlines in sterile cubicles was by putting up posters that poked fun at corporate life. One of my favorites was one that said, “Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves!” Whoever came up with that saying had a sardonic sense of humor, because beatings would continue indefinitely since they would obviously cause morale to go down instead of up. In addition, the quality of the work that employees produced would also go down if there were ongoing beatings.

Clearly the poster was not meant to be taken literally, since companies do not physically beat their employees. But it contains a large measure of truth. And as I’ve coached many clients over the past eight years, I’ve come to believe that the poster applies not just to companies, but to people as well.

The reason I say that is because of how often I see my clients, and for that matter, family members and friends, try to change their behavior by criticizing themselves, sometimes very harshly. The way I see it, when people do that they are beating themselves – maybe not severely, but it has the same result as any company administered beating would: lower morale and poorer quality of work.

My experience as a life coach for people with chronic illnesses, as well as a person with a chronic illness himself, is that talking to ourselves in a respectful and encouraging way is much more effective in bringing about the desired behavior changes that allow us to take better care of ourselves and have a much higher quality of life.

My next Coaching/Support Group for People with Chronic Illnesses will start on Thursday, June 3rd. For more information, go to Coaching/Support Group information.