Posts Tagged ‘optimism’

A Woman Who Inspires Me and Who I’m Sure Will Inspire You

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

Today I want to write about an amazing woman I met recently… Well, I didn’t actually meet her in person.  I met her by phone.

Beverly had sent me an email because she wanted to have a coaching session. She had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease when she was halfway through her graduate program 18 years ago. Through her own effort and determination, and also because of what she calls many miracles, she was able to complete her Ph.D. in psychology, and after she did she worked serving others for several years. But then she underwent deep brain stimulation surgery to treat her Parkinson’s, and it left her unable to work.

Four years later, she experienced seizures, 107 degree fever, and respiratory and renal failure, and nearly lost her life. Over the next 14 months she underwent 11 surgeries. She survived them all, although she is no longer able to drive and she lost much of her voice.

I have worked with and helped people with dozens of different chronic illness, including people who were dealing with very difficult and painful experiences and losses, so I was confident that I could help Beverly.

I was wrong – but not because Beverly’s situation was too difficult or overwhelming.  Beverly didn’t need my help. When I spoke with her, I discovered she was a genuinely optimistic and happy person. As you know if you’ve read my other posts, I teach people to give themselves lots of compassion. In her own words, she said she had mastered that lesson a long time ago, and it was clear to me that she had.

>Beverly wanted to share her joy and her story of how she had found it with the world. What she needed was someone who could show her how to do that. I gave her some ideas, for which she was very grateful. And I plan to stay in touch and watch her reach and touch many, many people.

Do You Try To Be More Positive?

Friday, January 15th, 2010

Last month, I asked the people in my How to Have a Better Life When You Have a Chronic Illness tips list what their three biggest challenges were and also what the three most important changes they would like to make were. Lots of them said their biggest challenges were their chronic pain and their other illness symptoms, and they said the change they wanted most was to not have those symptoms.

But a significant percentage of those who responded put down being more positive, happier, or more optimistic as either one of their three biggest challenges or as one of the three changes they would like to make. If you’re like them and would like to happier and more optimistic, keep reading, because I’m going to tell you how-and how not-to achieve that goal.

One of the most important things I have learned about becoming more positive and upbeat is that I can’t get there directly. What I mean is that trying to be more positive hasn’t worked well if at all, and whatever increase in happiness I achieve is quickly gone and forgotten when the next setback triggers my fears, or when I experience my next computer problem, etc.

However, if instead of trying to be happier, I give myself lots of compassion for those setbacks and problems, if I use my God-given gifts (and we all have them) to make a positive difference for other people, and if I make the time and take the time to do things I enjoy, the result is that I’m a whole lot happier.

You may be thinking that what I’ve written sounds good, but that your ability to help others and your ability to do the things you enjoy is greatly limited because of your illness. My response is that even if your ability is limited, I recommend that you still give my suggestion a try.

First, give yourself lots of compassion for the symptoms, pain, and limitations you have. Then make as much of a difference for others as you can, and do as much as you can for your own enjoyment. (Brainstorming helps here. When you do, you will probably come up with several ideas of things to do that never occurred to you before.)

If you follow my suggestion in spite of your limitations, you will find that there is what I call a sliding scale for happiness. What I mean is that you will experience as much happiness by doing as much as you are able to as a person without the limitations of a chronic illness will experience following the same suggestions as much as they are able to.

So I encourage you to try my suggestion, and don’t try to be more positive. I wish you much happiness.